Lollipop Head Does A Five-Star Review

“Your head is small and your neck is long. This hair cut does not look good on you.”

“That’s the first thing Joy said to me when I sat down in the chair to get my hair cut. I’m not one to take things personally so while I was caught aback by her honesty, I was also appreciative that she had the eye to see and identify my lollipop head.”

(Review by Loe L. of San Francisco, CA)

So, it’s rare to meet a truly honest person. Is this what we can glean from this review? I’ve been trying to be honest these days. In some cases, I find I have abandoned my usual tact. So many times, tact, though it makes me feel better about the stuff I say and believe to be true, does not inspire belief in the people you are talking to. Especially when you are trying to get your point across. A good example? Telling someone you’re not interested in them. We’ve all been there. We’ve all done it. And we still laugh about how fake it sounds when you say, “Hey, no worries! It’s not you, it’s me!” Women especially are bad about this, because when it comes down to it, most of the time, we don’t want to hurt you. But, the truth is, sometimes it is you. (Sometimes, it is us, too.) Over the last ten years of my life, I have begun to understand how painfully clear this message is. It’s something I need to learn: being honest, without hurting others is a skill. But sometimes, when that message fails, you have to allow a person to hurt. It’s their right as people. And you don’t have the right to take away someone else’s right to feel. Especially when what you’re saying is something they really need to hear. Maybe they don’t think they need to hear it. Maybe they don’t even believe it’s true. But that really doesn’t matter. Sometimes, for your sanity, you have to draw in a long breath and then let it out. And carried on that exhaled breath might be words that hurt. You are, essentially, stuck between a rock and a hard place in this matter. On the one hand, saying the words hurts. It hurts you and it hurts the person who hears them. Especially when they’re true. On the other hand, if you don’t say them, you are enabling that person to continue in a dishonestly-held belief about him or herself that will, in the long run, stunt their personal growth and cause them pain of a different kind. They might lose friends who don’t have the courage to tell them why being friends with them isn’t good for everyone involved. They might wake up one day to find out that it really is too late to change. By then, it could also be too late to save yourself from a world of hurt. Unfortunately, sometimes, it seems, honesty is synonymous with cruelty. At least to the person with whom you are being honest. In the end, and I know you’re dying to know how the haircut turned out, Lollipop Head had this to say:

“In a nutshell, she made my small head and long neck look pretty badass. My hair was on its way to growing long from short (an awkward stage) and Joy spent over an hour working on it. She said she liked the challenge. It looked wonderful after and I’ve had many compliments-even now, three months later.”

My point? First you have to hear the truth (sometimes bluntly: whatever it takes to get the message across) and then you have to accept help in overcoming these issues. In the end, the people who care about you will do their best to make sure you come out looking good. No one wants you to be embarrassed. No one (mostly) wants to hurt you. But, if you’re going to be better, there’s something you should know. Perception (other people’s perception of you) will become your reality. People will believe what they see against all odds, even if that vision isn’t fair to you. They will be looking for things to confirm their already-held belief, and they will ignore anything contrary to their vision. You will be forced to live inside a person’s perception of you, even if it isn’t accurate. (Every job I’ve ever worked has showed me personal proof of this truth.) To this day, my mother hates Angelina Jolie for breaking up Brad and Jen’s marriage, despite ALL her humanitarian efforts. She still perceives Angelina as a “trollop” not a “humanitarian.” Nor even a “mother” or “benefactor.” All because of one incident that happened so many years ago we can’t even remember its heyday. And we weren’t even in the marriage, so we don’t know if it was on the rocks anyway. Who are we to judge. So, take a lesson from Lollipop Head. Man up. If someone gives you a painful truth, accept it, even if it hurts like hell. Ask someone to help you. If you do, instead of people shaking their heads at you behind your back, wondering why you just don’t GET IT, you’ll be hearing openly-voiced compliments about how badass you are. Suddenly, your “Lollipop Head” might just become your best (and most lickable) asset.

A Lickable Asset

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~ by ImaginaryCanary on February 28, 2012.

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