So long ago and so far away…

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on here. It’s not that I’ve forgotten. I haven’t. It’s just that I’ve been writing on my book instead. Up until two weeks ago, I have been writing between three and four thousand words a day, trying to get the project done. Then, I had one of those “I know it’s time to step back” moments, where the inspiration is coming slower and it’s time to give it a little break. I intended for that break to last only a few days, but then my grandmother got sick. I was in the middle of giving her a manicure when she suddenly started having trouble getting her words out. My mother had asked her where the dishcloths were, and suddenly, her answer came out like, “Nanananana,” and everything was slurred. I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, my mother was there. My mother told my grandmother to press the lifeline button on her necklace and told me to lead her to the kitchen table so we could take her blood pressure. The paramedics came and tested her vital signs. By that time, what I knew to be a TIA had already passed and she was looking and sounding normal again. We opted not to send her to the hospital. Most of that was probably on my suggestion. The paramedics said that the only thing they would do for her was to give her a CAT scan, which wouldn’t be able to identify a TIA anyway. But when my grandmother’s nurse came later that day, she thought she should have been taken to the hospital that time. So, they called the paramedics again, and this time they took her to the hospital. I followed the ambulance with my mother in the car. When we got to the hospital, they gave her another EKG and tested her vitals, said she was fine and then sent her home. Just as I thought they would do the first time. So then, I didn’t feel so bad for suggesting that she not go to the hospital after the first TIA. The week was followed by doctor appointments and testing, but her doctor said that all that was being done for her was all that could be done. She was on Plavix to prevent blood clots, and she couldn’t take Cumadin because it put her at risk for bleeds (she nearly died from one several years ago). On Friday night, my mother cooked her a big supper. I couldn’t go and see her because I had a cold and didn’t want to get her frail body sick. I wish I had been able to go, because the next day, my mother found my granny on the floor. She had suffered a massive stroke during the night. She was taken to the hospital. The first day, though she wasn’t conscious, there was movement on her right side and she seemed at one point to be trying to get some words out. The next day, there was no movement. The third day, her pupils were non reactive and they pronounced her in a Stage Four Coma. On Monday night, or early Tuesday morning, my granny died. She never regained consciousness and I never really got to tell her goodbye. It was very sad, but I had spent more time with her this year than I ever had before, and we really enjoyed getting to know each other. I’m not sad for that. She was ready to go and said so often. She had made sure we knew which dress she wanted to be buried in and she had been giving some of her stuff away. Still, I’m going to miss her. I am traveling in Florida now, and hope to write a little while I’m here. Hopefully, I will get to finishing the travel blogs I have been planning on writing. Life is hard.

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~ by ImaginaryCanary on May 22, 2012.

2 Responses to “So long ago and so far away…”

  1. That’s great that you got to spend time with her before she passed. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away when I was 5 yrs old, so she didn’t get to see me grow up. You’re fortunate to have had her as long as you did.

  2. As you know, my maternal grandmother suffered for many years with Alzheimer Disease. During the last several months of her life she was completely bed ridden. I got the call at work that she had passed away. I rushed over to my parents’ home where she had been staying and managed to get there before they took her away. We all tried to prepare ourselves for that day and we knew that she was at last at peace but there really is no preparation for the hole that is left in your life when someone you love that much leaves. My Grandmother Page breathed her last in May of 1999 but she still lives on today in my heart. It has been almost two years now since my Grandmother Connerly passed away. I had gone to see her just a week before she left us and I knew then that it was the last time that I probably ever see her alive. I sat there beside her bed for several hours. She talked to me about this that and the other while at the same time not knowing really who I was. I forced myself to preach at her funeral. We sometimes question why we must go through such things…why our hearts must experience this grief…I have no answers. The only thing that I do know is that (even as cliche as it sounds) that when you love someone they are really never gone from because they continue to live in your heart. Both of my grandmothers were special to me and help make me who I am today and I am thankful to them and I miss them very much. You are right…life is hard…I have faced it head on and have been made mostly stronger for the difficult times. I am actually thankful for the rain that has fallen in my life because without that rain the flowers would never have a chance to bloom.

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