Well…you win some, you lose some.

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So, I tried. I stepped out of my comfort zone and I tried something new. And I failed. Failure has become quite a friend of mine lately. So, instead of being afraid of her– this big, smelly, obvious friend failure– I’ll just embrace her, and eventually, try again. What am I talking about, you wonder?

Well, a while ago, I decided to change my blog’s presence from WordPress to my personal website. I suppose for some folks that idea would work fine, like for my friend and fellow writer, Maisha Z. Johnson. However, Maisha is infinitely more popular than I, and so, for her, I’m sure success was inevitable. For me? Not so much. 

The truth is, I absolutely SUCK at social media. I’m awkward, and half the time, the things I want to talk about just don’t interest people. When I blog, it doesn’t seem to encourage people to want to talk about things. Rather, they simply passively sit back and read without letting me know if I’ve hit the mark, or missed completely. To hell with it!

The truth is, whether other people read my writing or not, I still enjoy doing it. I’ve missed blogging in the way I miss journaling when I don’t do it. I’m a writer, and a thinker, and as such, I must write and think. Still, it’s the dialogue I am missing. As a writer, life can be lonely. I don’t mean personally. I mean, I have a wonderful partner who fulfills me in so many ways. But as a writer, I yearn for other people to reach out, to embrace the writing and the conversations the writing strives to introduce and talk to me. Not just as a writer, but as a person, as a thinker, and as a fellow human being. My desire for interaction is biological. As a social creature, I can’t escape from the desire for engagement. Every day, I am writing or thinking about writing. I journal my days, I write poems, I write novels, I edit and proof copy, write on student papers. Writing is such an integral part of my life that I can’t imagine my life without it. Not sharing that thing that I love so much, that thing that I must do, is very lonely and isolating. 

I post pictures that look like the places I have invented in my book on my Tumblr page. I post parts of the story. And still, there’s no one who seems to enjoy reading these posts. I don’t think it’s that they’re not interested. I just think that it’s not promoted well enough or visible enough for most people who would enjoy such things to find them. Thus, my thesis statement above: I suck at social media. 

I will concede, though, that it’s not about how social my media is or whether or not people like what I write that drives me to do this activity. I’ve said over and over again that I write because I must. Because it’s integral to who I am. I will say, though, that my faults regarding blog postings are that I don’t open up enough about my own vulnerabilities. When I do, I feel stupid and self-conscious, which is exactly the reason I must learn to open up about those things.  Because it’s honest. Because it’s normal. And if we writers don’t do it, no one else will either. 

So, I’m opening up about this now. I make so many mistakes every day. I’m silly. I’m awkward. When I talk, I’m quite certain that people just nod and say “uh huh” and “yep” because they have no idea what I’m talking about. Especially my students. But everyone is quick to indulge me. Quick to try to make me feel like the things I say make some kind of sense or resonate. And I appreciate that. 

I wrote all this to say, I am returning my blog from my website to WordPress because I feel that the platform is easier to interact with. People know it’s here and they can avoid having to navigate through all the other things on my site that may not be placed with easy access in mind. So to those of you who have subscribed, but have not gotten anything from me recently, I’m sorry. I suck. It’s out there in the open now. Thanks!

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~ by ImaginaryCanary on April 24, 2014.

One Response to “Well…you win some, you lose some.”

  1. Well, as Jake the Dog said, “Dude, suckin’ at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DN43sCyEanA

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